Tag Archives: truth

Being Scared to talk about abuse

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When things got to a certain point in my marriage, they started getting even tougher. Nobody warned me that leaving and choosing my life would be the first step. I thought healing and getting over a break up would be the second hurdle. What I was not prepared for, was speaking up and telling my story and that completely backfiring on me.

I was petrified,but tried to stay as civil as I could, still walking on eggshells, until I got my belongings and legal matters where complete, then I could simply draw a line and move on. I was not expecting things to go downhill from there either.

I thought I would be believed. Who lies about domestic abuse? Apparently more people than you would think! For some reason, there are quite a few people out there, who think I am lying and causing problems. When I can say with my hand on my heart, that I am telling the truth.

I am (or was) always a creative person and have chosen to direct that creativity into exploring what has really happened to me. But that seems to have also backfired on me.

Now I am scared to be open again.

I am scared to tell my story.

I am worried about mutual friends because someone has been causing trouble and showing what I post to my abuser.

Despite knowing I have proof for the things I say, that they did happen and that Domestic Abuse, especially emotional abuse and gaslighting, are not talked about enough. I feel ashamed of my story and fearful of trying to be open and help others, because of the people that say it is lies and slander.

Leaving a relationship is challenging, especially so if that relationship involved a bad ending or abuse. But when people you have known, been related to through marriage, worked with or even complete strangers are being led to believe lies and that my truth is a lie, just to get some sort of revenge – that hurts.

My revenge is living. I did not end my own life.

I SURVIVED AND I LEFT FOR MY SAFETY AND I CHOSE MY LIFE.

Mental Health Awareness Letters – 23rd May 2018

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As May is Mental Health Awareness Month, I had an idea to write a letter each day to a person, or group of people that have had an impact on my own personal health. The first portion of the month has been delayed, however I hope that I will catch up and there will be a daily post. Thank You for taking the time to read these and I appreciate any comments or support you can provide on each post.

Please remember that if you are struggling with your health, both physical or mental, there may be some triggers in these letters-please seek support if you find these letters trigger any distress. Look after yourself!!

Letter 23 – To my Family,

Family means a lot to me, I think it is down to losing so many people and having control taken away from me for so many years of my life.

But everybody moves on, I use to be the one who would drive for miles to visit people, but I have got to the point where I don’t want to be the one that always drives, always goes out of my way and fills the tank up to visit people that wouldn’t do the same for me. Since buying our house in January I have had 3 visits from people, 2 of those visits where from my brother. I appreciate people are busy but when you pass the house or go to an event by my home and then say it is too far it really does upset me. What also hurts is the ignoring and not publicising the fact that your near, but guess what?? I always find out!!

I am sorry if this upsets you, but I do not see anyone anymore, some days I look at how much fun my family are having without me I wish I was not here, this is the truth. In all honesty I often find myself (especially lately) thinking it would not matter to a single one of you if I was not here.

But of course you don’t care, after all it is only me!! But I bet if something did happen to me you would all be crying at my funeral – and for what??