Pretty much everyone has body worries, too tall, too short, no thigh gap, or for most of us….

TOO FAT!!

I come under the obese category, 5 ft 5 inches and 103kg. BMI of 37.3 (lower than what I was!)

When I was in school I went through a stage of eating less and liking the results, the results of this “experiment” (at the time) was me going from about 10 stone down to 6. Luckily for me the only people who realised I was losing weight were the “popular girls” in school who noticed when I hit 8 stone, from then on I got changed in the toilet cubicle and nobody realised what was happening to me.

I considered myself at the time as anorexic, Well I guess I was, Living off a tub of Nutella spread for 3 weeks and air, how I survived I do not know! I loved the lifestyle, the results, being able to see bones, I thought they were beautiful.

Still to this day my family do not know about this struggle, a few of my close friends and the wife are the only people who know I had issues. I have hardly any pictures of this time, if I did I think I would have gone down that route again because I know what results to expect! I do NOT have the willpower to live that lifestyle now! Part of me wishes I did but deep down I know it is not the right way to do things and that my health is more important.

MY REALITY SLAP IN THE FACE!!

I needed two teeth out, and being under 16 my mam would have to be around, for weighing, check ups and the General Anesthetic. Within 6 weeks I was back to just over 9 stone. Just in time for the surgery. She didn’t suspect a thing!! Although the dentist I initially saw before being referred to the surgical team did pull me aside from my mam and ask if I was ok due to him noticing acid damage to teeth and general warning signs for eating disorders and purging, I managed to get away with saying I had been ill the week before and he accepted that!!

It is hard for me to see myself and the way I use to be, I still cannot believe that I weigh almost triple what I use to!! It makes me angry, upset and disappointed in myself. But equally I am proud of getting over anorexia myself!! I guess it shows me what a strong person I was at the time.

I used my story as inspiration for my Art, and got an A in my exams with the theme contributing to the final grade.

 Inspiration from Pinterest.

I still don’t tell people I am recovering from and Eating Disorder, I believe I still have one, I have gone from one extreme to another. The NHS just tell me to join Weight Watchers, from friends they suggest Slimming World is better, but I do not have the spare income to waste, I realise it would be good in the long haul but I do not have the spare money.

Demi Lovato is a huge inspiration for me. Not only do I love her music, I love the way she shares her story and is so open about her experiences. I though at one point I had bipolar, I did not ever pursue this as I spent too much time “researching on Google” and realised I was making things bigger than they were, but I still used her an my inspiration and my idol. and I still do to this day.  She inspires me through music, tattoos, sharing and using her job to do good. If I met her I would hug her and say thank you. Before of course asking for a job travelling and sharing stories!!

Stacie-Mai xx